1 00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:33,690 Jordan, quit playing and eat your breakfast. 2 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:37,027 Uncle Bernie, you have to chew every bite 40 times. 3 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,411 It's good for you. 4 00:00:38,489 --> 00:00:40,072 You ain't got that kind of time. Now, swallow. 5 00:00:40,148 --> 00:00:41,531 Oh, hi. Hey, babe. 6 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:42,657 Good-bye. 7 00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:43,834 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 8 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,203 Whoa, honey, hold on. Come on, now. 9 00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:48,038 Sweetheart, chew your food. 10 00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,915 40 times. Hush. 11 00:00:49,991 --> 00:00:51,300 You're always rushing out of here. 12 00:00:51,376 --> 00:00:52,626 Yesterday you rushed out of here, 13 00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:54,211 you left an earring. 14 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:55,804 The day before, you drove, you had a curler in your hair. 15 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,047 Let me check you out, sweetheart. 16 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,381 All right, honey. 17 00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,925 Come on, you got two earrings, you got two shoes, 18 00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:02,511 no curler in your hair, okay, you look good. 19 00:01:02,587 --> 00:01:04,605 Okay, thanks, baby. See you, baby. 20 00:01:07,759 --> 00:01:09,735 Mm. 21 00:01:11,763 --> 00:01:13,563 Yo, baby, what'd you forget? 22 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,407 I forgot my bra! 23 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,409 I could tell. 24 00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:19,536 Shut up. 25 00:01:21,064 --> 00:01:22,823 America, you see that? 26 00:01:22,899 --> 00:01:25,158 Wanda's job got her rushing around. 27 00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:26,585 That's not my style. 28 00:01:26,662 --> 00:01:28,662 I like to take my time. 29 00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:30,455 For instance, I'm going on 30 00:01:30,532 --> 00:01:32,249 The Ellen DeGeneres Show in a few days. 31 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:35,043 Now, the trick to a great talk show appearance 32 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,420 is having just the right story to tell. 33 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,890 My job is to make it look easy, 34 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,217 but believe me, America, it ain't. 35 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,094 When I'm working on new material, 36 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,046 I have a routine I like to follow. 37 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:50,100 First, I start by setting up a little reward system for myself. 38 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:53,854 Today's sandwich is ham and cheese. 39 00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:56,356 Next, I read the paper. 40 00:01:56,433 --> 00:01:58,733 It gets the blood pumping through my brain. 41 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:02,246 And I follow that up with an inspirational movie, 42 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,865 which gives me a warm, tingling feeling inside. 43 00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,867 This feeling helps me create. 44 00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:10,754 (WHISTLING) 45 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,832 Bam. 46 00:02:13,909 --> 00:02:15,634 Bam. 47 00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:17,427 Bam. 48 00:02:18,914 --> 00:02:20,848 Guess I'll start with the sports. 49 00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:25,936 (CRYING) 50 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,313 I love this part. 51 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:35,103 And finally, it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty 52 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,531 and put your thoughts on paper. 53 00:02:54,658 --> 00:02:58,293 Sometimes, if you take your mind off the task at hand, 54 00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:01,880 take a little break, come back to it, 55 00:03:01,957 --> 00:03:03,891 let it simmer, sit for a while... 56 00:03:27,899 --> 00:03:29,199 BERNIE: You quit your job? 57 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,825 It happened so sudden like. 58 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,035 It's almost shocking. 59 00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,361 I know, 60 00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,464 but when they gave that Spencer my promotion, 61 00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,999 a guy I trained that used to get me coffee... 62 00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:39,960 Yeah, boy, that's some bull. 63 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,294 He a white guy? 64 00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:44,297 Oh, I just snapped, 65 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,091 and before I knew it, 66 00:03:46,167 --> 00:03:47,759 the words were already out of my mouth. 67 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,594 "I quit." 68 00:03:49,671 --> 00:03:51,480 Wow, well... 69 00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:54,024 Well, baby, let me ask you something. 70 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,725 Are you sure? 71 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,519 (CHUCKLES) 72 00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:58,478 No. 73 00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:00,647 But I gave them eight years. 74 00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,856 I know. 75 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,108 You know, eight years 76 00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:05,860 of being overworked and underappreciated. 77 00:04:05,937 --> 00:04:07,496 That's far too long. 78 00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:10,073 I wasn't happy anymore. 79 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,324 Honey, I need to be happy. 80 00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:12,826 I know, baby. 81 00:04:12,902 --> 00:04:14,202 Well, look. 82 00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:17,506 Here's to following your bliss, okay? 83 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,374 Thank you. 84 00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:20,926 You're welcome. 85 00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,670 Mm, that's good. 86 00:04:23,747 --> 00:04:25,380 Yeah, it is. 87 00:04:25,457 --> 00:04:27,257 Want to know what the first thing I'm going to do is? 88 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,550 What's that, baby? 89 00:04:28,626 --> 00:04:30,051 Ooh, I'm going to get out of these shoes. 90 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,720 Well, come on, get out of them. 91 00:04:31,796 --> 00:04:32,887 Ooh, ah... 92 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,514 That feels good, don't it? 93 00:04:34,591 --> 00:04:36,224 Oh, ooh... 94 00:04:36,301 --> 00:04:38,277 Come on, come on, sit up here with me. 95 00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:42,814 Ooh, could you rub them? 96 00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:43,824 Yeah. 97 00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,236 You know... 98 00:04:48,313 --> 00:04:50,530 Now that's bliss, honey. Thank you. 99 00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:51,731 Yeah. 100 00:04:51,809 --> 00:04:54,034 It might be kind of nice having you around. 101 00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:56,911 Hey, cool bikes. 102 00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,913 I wish I had a BMX. 103 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,249 Check out his glasses strapped to his head. 104 00:05:01,326 --> 00:05:03,585 Hey, Jordan, come home. 105 00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,961 Why? 106 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,930 Because Uncle Bernie says 107 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,558 it's time to put the cream on your nipple rash. 108 00:05:11,252 --> 00:05:13,353 Yo, man. You know her? 109 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,222 She's hot. 110 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,807 Vanessa? 111 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,059 That's my sister. 112 00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:20,393 I wouldn't mind meeting her. 113 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:23,480 Oh, she's not allowed to have boys over. 114 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:26,775 But, if you were my friends, I could invite you over. 115 00:05:26,851 --> 00:05:28,943 See? I could tell we'd be friends right off the bat. 116 00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:30,862 What's you name, anyway? 117 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:31,988 Jordan. 118 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,840 Yo, you should hang with us, J. 119 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:37,336 Well, if I'm really your friend, you'd let me ride your bike. 120 00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:50,140 Big day today, America. 121 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,716 Got a lot of work to do. 122 00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:53,968 Time to get the train rolling. 123 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:56,679 Today's selection, How Green Was My Valley, 124 00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,766 with Maureen O'Hara and Roddy McDowall. 125 00:05:59,843 --> 00:06:01,300 And roast beef. 126 00:06:01,378 --> 00:06:06,031 Where I come from, America, they call this a "sam-ich." 127 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,110 (SNAPS FINGERS) 128 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,828 Dang. 129 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,101 Oh, hi, baby. 130 00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,729 I was sitting there. Oh... 131 00:06:38,339 --> 00:06:40,432 That's my drink. 132 00:06:40,508 --> 00:06:43,476 I know, I just need to, um... Wash my sandwich down. 133 00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:45,812 Mm, it is so good. 134 00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:48,731 Wanda, that's my sandwich. Don't worry. 135 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,900 There's, like, three more in the fridge just like it. 136 00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:53,361 But, baby, I had four to help me work. 137 00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:56,197 Doesn't look like you're working to me. 138 00:06:56,208 --> 00:07:00,752 I mean, look, you got the movie, you got the newspaper, please. 139 00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:03,964 Who you trying to fool? 140 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,249 Okay, honey, you know what? 141 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:07,500 Just come here. 142 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:11,379 Sit right here and, um, read the paper with me. 143 00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,098 Come on and chill-ax. 144 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,726 "Chill-ax." 145 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,386 How am I supposed to chill-ax? 146 00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:19,846 Baby girl makes less mess. 147 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:22,515 She handles the paper like she got hooves. 148 00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,943 That was my sammy, dammy. 149 00:07:34,729 --> 00:07:36,955 Hey, Vanessa, this is my friend Rich. 150 00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:38,615 What's up, ma. 151 00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,158 Hey. 152 00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:41,376 What you reading? 153 00:07:41,453 --> 00:07:43,077 Sula by Toni Morrison. 154 00:07:43,154 --> 00:07:44,504 You like to read? 155 00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:45,589 Nah. 156 00:07:49,577 --> 00:07:51,636 So, it's warm out here. 157 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,641 Ah... 158 00:07:57,594 --> 00:07:58,668 Yeah... 159 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,262 Um, what, what was your name again? 160 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:02,797 Oh, Rich, but, uh, you know, 161 00:08:02,874 --> 00:08:04,599 I was working out over the summer and everything, 162 00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:08,144 so my friends started to call me Diesel. 163 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,489 Oh, well, um, Diesel. 164 00:08:10,565 --> 00:08:11,907 Yeah? Could you possibly 165 00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:15,368 sit somewhere else, 'cause you're blocking my sun. 166 00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,954 Sure, no problem. 167 00:08:21,192 --> 00:08:22,501 That's it? 168 00:08:22,577 --> 00:08:24,294 Man, I gave you my best baseball card. 169 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:26,204 Hey, all I can do is get you in the door. 170 00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:28,340 The rest is up to you. 171 00:08:34,872 --> 00:08:36,965 Honey. Hmm? 172 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:38,299 I made this for you. 173 00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:39,968 It's an idea board. 174 00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,269 I got an idea. 175 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:43,897 Here's how it goes. You put your rough ideas here 176 00:08:43,974 --> 00:08:45,056 in this column, 177 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,858 and then you refine the ones you like 178 00:08:46,935 --> 00:08:48,476 and then you put them here. 179 00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:51,062 Then if they make the final cut, 180 00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,399 bam, good old column three. 181 00:08:54,475 --> 00:08:56,368 (CHUCKLING) 182 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,111 You like it? 183 00:08:58,187 --> 00:08:59,663 You think I don't? 184 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,156 Baby, you're a winner, baby. 185 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,075 Honey, it really works. 186 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:07,003 (LAUGHING) 187 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,922 That's cute. 188 00:09:10,241 --> 00:09:11,675 Cute's for monkeys. 189 00:09:13,202 --> 00:09:14,836 This is a very effective technique 190 00:09:14,912 --> 00:09:17,171 that you should implement into your system. 191 00:09:17,248 --> 00:09:19,349 The lack thereof. 192 00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:22,510 She's got to go. 193 00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:25,388 America, the woman just can't stop working. 194 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,915 See, she quit her job 195 00:09:26,991 --> 00:09:29,183 and now she's tying to tell me how to do mine. 196 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,269 If Wanda and I are going to coexist 197 00:09:31,346 --> 00:09:32,571 peacefully in this house, 198 00:09:32,647 --> 00:09:34,772 I have to set up some guidelines. 199 00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:37,826 May I direct you to my baby's so called idea board? 200 00:09:37,902 --> 00:09:39,110 Look at this. 201 00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:40,987 But I've changed it and made one of my own. 202 00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,622 Number one. Rule number one. 203 00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,824 Pay attention, you'll learn something. 204 00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:46,251 Rule number one... 205 00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,620 Do not tell me how and when to work. 206 00:09:48,696 --> 00:09:50,705 That's very important. 207 00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:53,082 Rule number two... Do not drink my pop. 208 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,085 You all saw her drinking my pop, over and over again. 209 00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,295 Number three... 210 00:09:57,372 --> 00:09:59,172 Do not eat my sandwiches. 211 00:09:59,248 --> 00:10:01,007 And I repeat, do not... 212 00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,342 Hey, Bernie, how's it going? 213 00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:04,344 Hey, Ellen, how you doing? I'm good. 214 00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:05,386 Ladies and gentle, Ellen DeGeneres. 215 00:10:05,463 --> 00:10:06,554 You all know her. 216 00:10:06,631 --> 00:10:08,222 Oh, hey, how you doing? 217 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,766 Uh, what's going on? 218 00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,310 Is this your thing you're going to do on the show? 219 00:10:12,387 --> 00:10:14,103 No, no, this is, my wife put together. 220 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,229 You know me better than that. 221 00:10:15,306 --> 00:10:16,898 You know, I do a little something. 222 00:10:16,974 --> 00:10:18,316 Sure. 223 00:10:18,393 --> 00:10:19,567 You know what I was thinking you might do, 224 00:10:19,644 --> 00:10:21,444 'cause I'm not going to do anything with it? 225 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,404 People say "koo-pon," or some people say "que-pon." 226 00:10:23,481 --> 00:10:25,907 And it's, I don't know if that's anything. 227 00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:27,200 You could do "koo-pon," or "que-pon." 228 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:28,826 I don't know if that... 229 00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:30,453 It's not too European, it's not too... 230 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:31,954 I don't know, I mean, it's just something... 231 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,165 'Cause that doesn't seem real funny right there, so... 232 00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:36,376 Well, no, it's not funny. 233 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,086 It's not, because it's hard for me to be funny 234 00:10:38,162 --> 00:10:40,296 because Wanda, she's all, got me all clogged up. 235 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,631 She's all in my mix right now. 236 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:43,174 You know how comics work. 237 00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:44,842 I'm sorry that she's got you clogged. 238 00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:46,052 Yeah, yeah. 239 00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:47,178 WANDA: Bernie? 240 00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:48,438 See what I'm saying, Ellen? 241 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,898 Hold this and talk to 242 00:10:49,974 --> 00:10:51,599 America, she's going to talk to you for a minute. 243 00:10:51,676 --> 00:10:54,268 I'll be... Yeah, baby? Yeah? 244 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,654 Yeah? 245 00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:00,483 Hey. America. 246 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,494 How are you? 247 00:11:04,939 --> 00:11:06,456 Hello, America. 248 00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:08,616 I don't know how to leave. 249 00:11:08,693 --> 00:11:11,369 I guess I just talk to you until... 250 00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:13,922 I guess he's talking to Wanda. 251 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,999 America... 252 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,176 We need to talk. 253 00:11:18,253 --> 00:11:20,929 Okay, but first, let's eat. 254 00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,131 What's all this? 255 00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,091 Lunch. 256 00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,635 But, baby, I'm... Well, I count five courses. 257 00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:29,011 Oh, well, you know how I get. 258 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:31,764 I had to channel that work energy somehow. 259 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,149 Sit. 260 00:11:37,722 --> 00:11:38,896 Baby, I'm going to need 261 00:11:38,973 --> 00:11:40,740 a oyster spoon and some hot sauce. 262 00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:43,109 I guess I did get carried away. 263 00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:44,619 Hot sauce. 264 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,041 Couple of things, America. 265 00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:52,502 I... 266 00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:55,788 Hey, Bernie. 267 00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:56,965 Hey, Ellen. 268 00:11:57,041 --> 00:11:58,340 I was just, uh, 269 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,834 America was still here when you walked out, 270 00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,502 and I, I thought I'd talk to them some... 271 00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:03,004 You, you can talk to America. 272 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,630 No, no, I'm going to... I'm going to go. 273 00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,174 Hey, I'll see you on the show. 274 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,341 Look forward to seeing you. 275 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,893 Yeah, Ellen. All right. 276 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,099 See, I got make some more rules. 277 00:12:15,176 --> 00:12:19,020 Rule number four: don't sit in my chair. 278 00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:20,739 (KNOCKING) 279 00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:23,691 This had better be worth it. Oh, it is. 280 00:12:23,768 --> 00:12:26,444 It's my sister and her friend, 281 00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:28,204 and she's a cheerleader. 282 00:12:31,025 --> 00:12:32,208 (SCOFFS) 283 00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,053 (TELEVISION PLAYING) 284 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,799 Diesel, is that you? 285 00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,309 Uh... 286 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,728 Hi, Vanessa. 287 00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,014 Um, is the one with the really 288 00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:58,559 cute body that you were telling me about? 289 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,029 Hey, why don't you come sit down? 290 00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,077 No... closer. 291 00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:16,085 Who's your, um... really hot friend? 292 00:13:17,071 --> 00:13:18,329 Yeah. 293 00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:22,708 Um... K... K... Kenny. 294 00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:26,763 Well, hey, K-dog, why don't you sit right here? 295 00:13:30,084 --> 00:13:31,225 You know, um, 296 00:13:31,302 --> 00:13:33,386 we were waiting for our boyfriends, 297 00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:35,137 but they couldn't make it, 298 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,975 so do you think you guys could, um, take us out? 299 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,142 Yeah. 300 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,277 (MOUTHING NO) 301 00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:44,438 Oh, I-I... 302 00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,566 Great. 303 00:13:46,642 --> 00:13:50,653 But, uh, first we have to make sure you're good kissers. 304 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,122 Oh, yeah. 305 00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,952 We'd love to, but, uh... 306 00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,295 We have go finish our homework. 307 00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:03,299 (LAUGHING) 308 00:14:08,372 --> 00:14:10,423 Okay, so I overreacted a little. 309 00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:13,101 Having them around isn't all bad. 310 00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:19,432 ♪ Doesn't take much to make me happy ♪ 311 00:14:19,508 --> 00:14:23,853 ♪ And make me smile with glee ♪ 312 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:27,773 ♪ Never, never will I feel discouraged ♪ 313 00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:31,244 ♪ 'Cause our love's no mystery ♪ 314 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:35,615 ♪ Demonstrating love and affection ♪ 315 00:14:35,691 --> 00:14:39,827 ♪ That you give so openly, yeah ♪ 316 00:14:39,904 --> 00:14:44,883 ♪ I like the way it makes me feel... ♪ 317 00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:46,134 Hey, what do you think about 318 00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,752 The Ellen DeGeneres Show right here? 319 00:14:47,828 --> 00:14:51,714 Mmm... I was thinking about something a little more... 320 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,341 funkier, you know. 321 00:14:53,417 --> 00:14:55,226 Something like... like this. 322 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,473 Oh, that's nice. Real nice. Yeah. 323 00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:02,475 With a nice little jacket. 324 00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,685 Yes. All right. 325 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,312 Okay, good. 326 00:15:06,389 --> 00:15:09,982 Honey, what do you think about me starting my, uh, 327 00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:11,308 my own business? 328 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:14,153 Oh, you talking about going back to work already? 329 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,322 You only been unemployed for a minute. 330 00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:19,367 I mean, we still got a lot of baths to take, baby. 331 00:15:19,443 --> 00:15:20,701 I know. 332 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,370 But you were right, you know? 333 00:15:22,446 --> 00:15:23,537 I'm... I don't do good 334 00:15:23,614 --> 00:15:25,414 with being off and I get a little antsy. 335 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,717 Besides, I know I can get more clients 336 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,543 than I can possibly handle. 337 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:30,929 I just need an office. 338 00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:32,546 What you need an office for? 339 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,415 You can work in the den. 340 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:37,301 Get you and desk, we'll work side-by-side like Whitney and Bobby. 341 00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:38,678 Ooh. 342 00:15:38,754 --> 00:15:42,181 I got you some strawberry margarita 343 00:15:42,258 --> 00:15:44,392 for a soul sister-rita. Here you go. 344 00:15:44,468 --> 00:15:45,902 Uh, honey, I'm working. 345 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,187 I need to contact my old clients to test the waters. 346 00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:51,491 Come on, let's test the water in the Jacuzzi, baby, come on. 347 00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:52,858 I'm sorry, baby, I'm busy. 348 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,194 Come on, baby, today On Golden Pond. 349 00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,362 Come on, Wanda. 350 00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:58,406 Bernie, if I'm gonna work from home 351 00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,408 we have to have some guidelines. 352 00:16:00,484 --> 00:16:02,910 Okay. Okay, number one: 353 00:16:02,987 --> 00:16:05,454 please don't interrupt me while I'm working. 354 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:10,543 And two: please don't bring alcohol while I'm working. 355 00:16:10,619 --> 00:16:13,879 How come when I work and she can come and rip my clothes off, 356 00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:16,841 but when she's working, it's serious business? 357 00:16:16,917 --> 00:16:19,260 Treat me like I'm a piece of meat. 358 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:23,856 America, player to player, I feel cheap. 359 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:28,069 So, uh, what happened with Vanessa? 360 00:16:28,846 --> 00:16:30,229 Ah, I wasn't feeling her no more. 361 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,231 Plus, she not even that cute close up. 362 00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:33,441 Yeah. Yeah. 363 00:16:33,517 --> 00:16:35,109 Shut up. That's my sister. 364 00:16:35,186 --> 00:16:37,319 Yeah, if she would have played her cards right, 365 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:38,571 I'd be your brother-in-law. 366 00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:41,365 Except she doesn't like mental patients. 367 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,491 You want to read a book? 368 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,909 Oh, what's a book? 369 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,369 Oh, you want to kiss? 370 00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:47,130 No, no, I'm scared. 371 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,082 Kindergarten: longest three years of your life. 372 00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:51,509 (LAUGHING) 373 00:16:51,586 --> 00:16:53,386 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. 374 00:16:53,463 --> 00:16:54,470 Let me go. Ow! 375 00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,925 (SNIFFING) 376 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:02,136 Baby, you stopped up? 377 00:17:02,213 --> 00:17:03,438 No. 378 00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:10,903 (CLICKING) 379 00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:14,065 Wanda, please. 380 00:17:14,141 --> 00:17:15,483 What? 381 00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:18,110 I can't concentrate with you making all that noise. 382 00:17:18,187 --> 00:17:19,871 Thank you. 383 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,252 Come on, now, Wanda. 384 00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:37,129 Honey, I'm just opening a letter. 385 00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:39,131 Well, a loud-ass person must have sent it 386 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,674 because that's some loud-ass mail. 387 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,927 Look, let me get out of here. 388 00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:44,553 I-I can't concentrate. 389 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,980 (SIGHING) 390 00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:52,945 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 391 00:17:53,022 --> 00:17:56,440 Baby, whatcha gonna do, follow me from room to room making all that noise? 392 00:17:56,517 --> 00:17:58,818 What are you talking about? You're the one that said I could work in your den. 393 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:02,113 That's before I knew you made more sound than a 50-piece orchestra. 394 00:18:02,189 --> 00:18:04,698 Where you pick up that Tourette's from, huh? 395 00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:06,867 That snort, snort, click, click, honk, honk. 396 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,377 I can't work like that. 397 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,162 You are such a baby. 398 00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:12,715 Sweetheart, I'm sitting on the couch with Ellen in two hours. 399 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,884 I got to get my thoughts together, okay? 400 00:18:15,953 --> 00:18:18,671 Oh... I see. 401 00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,132 So, uh, when I'm cooking or rubbing your back 402 00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:22,850 you don't have any trouble in getting your thoughts together? 403 00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:24,894 I didn't say that. Yes, you did. 404 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,062 So now that I'm busy 405 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,680 you want to act like a spoiled brat. 406 00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:28,806 I do not. 407 00:18:28,883 --> 00:18:30,349 You know what? Whatever. 408 00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:32,810 First thing tomorrow I'll go get my own space. 409 00:18:32,887 --> 00:18:34,645 Why do you got to wait? Why don't you do it now? 410 00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,355 Why don't you read through the paper, the classified, 411 00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:38,524 if you can get through all the mayonnaise. 412 00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:40,734 Seriously, so why can't you 413 00:18:40,811 --> 00:18:42,987 just stay out of each other's way? 414 00:18:43,063 --> 00:18:44,989 I mean, you're a man of... you got the dough now. 415 00:18:45,065 --> 00:18:46,916 You have a big... you got to have a huge house. 416 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,242 BERNIE: You know Wanda, 417 00:18:48,319 --> 00:18:49,994 she just doesn't understand how it works. 418 00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:51,704 Comedians, we work different. 419 00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,205 You know that. I know that. 420 00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:55,374 You know, I work when I'm napping. Sure. 421 00:18:55,451 --> 00:18:57,376 That's when my jokes are percolating. 422 00:18:57,453 --> 00:18:58,711 That's right. 423 00:18:58,787 --> 00:18:59,837 How could she not understand that? 424 00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:01,480 It wasn't always like that. 425 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,049 She used to pick my clothes up when I was doing the clubs. 426 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,718 She used to come there and watch me. 427 00:19:05,794 --> 00:19:07,595 Before we got married we had fun. 428 00:19:07,671 --> 00:19:11,765 Now, seem like everything is just being on hold now. 429 00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:13,651 You know, I should have married a white woman. 430 00:19:15,179 --> 00:19:16,729 You know, I remember we was struggling, 431 00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:17,980 we had a couch, Ellen. 432 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,858 We didn't have much, but that couch was ours. 433 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:23,319 I remember that couch. We even played. 434 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:24,403 Yeah? 435 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,663 Personal play. 436 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:28,291 (LAUGHING) 437 00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:31,660 Yuck. 438 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,495 Yeah. Time for bed. 439 00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,748 That's when I was younger, you know. 440 00:19:35,824 --> 00:19:37,249 That's when I was younger. 441 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,376 You know, we just sleep on it now. 442 00:19:39,453 --> 00:19:40,586 Big difference. 443 00:19:40,663 --> 00:19:42,087 Boy, Wanda was really there for me. 444 00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:43,756 I mean, we just sit on the couch 445 00:19:43,832 --> 00:19:45,257 and we shared each other's dreams. 446 00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,551 She used to tell me about how she wanted to be president 447 00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:49,528 of a Fortune 500 company. 448 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:52,848 And I would always tell her how I want to be a famous comedian. 449 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,184 I miss those days, Ellen. 450 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,278 Me, too. 451 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,777 I brought you some margaritas. 452 00:20:04,853 --> 00:20:06,946 So you're not mad at me anymore? No. 453 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:10,699 Now that I know why you were acting like a baby. 454 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,910 I miss you, too. 455 00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:15,296 Just let me know when you need some attention. 456 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,333 Thank you, baby. 457 00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:20,626 You're welcome. 458 00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:22,294 Like old times. 459 00:20:22,371 --> 00:20:23,629 Yeah. 460 00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,163 Ooh. 461 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,299 Guess who got a call today from West Coast Wireless? 462 00:20:27,376 --> 00:20:29,352 Who could that be? That'd be me. 463 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,804 Seems like someone's presence is sorely missed 464 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:32,930 and they want me 465 00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:34,723 to hear their proposal in the morning. 466 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,058 What'd you say, baby? 467 00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,185 Mmm. I told them I was deaf 468 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:41,814 unless it include Senior V.P. and all the perks. 469 00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:43,616 They didn't blink. 470 00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:44,942 Congratulations, sweetheart. 471 00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:46,360 Thank you, honey. 472 00:20:46,437 --> 00:20:48,779 Mmm, baby. 473 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,030 Hmm? 474 00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:51,249 Can I have some attention? 475 00:20:53,027 --> 00:20:54,335 Yeah. 476 00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:01,676 Slide back, woman. 477 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,307 Okay. 478 00:21:10,044 --> 00:21:12,678 All around. 479 00:21:12,755 --> 00:21:15,180 Oh, that's the best. Mmm-hmm. 480 00:21:15,257 --> 00:21:18,234 Oh, that's the best. You been walking a long time? 481 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:21,061 Just like Harriet Tubman. 482 00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:23,781 Just like her. 483 00:21:25,601 --> 00:21:27,368 Just like her. 484 00:21:28,812 --> 00:21:30,321 What that mean? 485 00:21:30,397 --> 00:21:32,039 What? 486 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,534 What you smelling? 487 00:21:35,611 --> 00:21:36,711 You feel light-headed?